How to choose the right mediator

Get recommendations and review three core competencies with the mediator - and its previous clients.

In almost every negotiation, there comes a point where the situation escalates into an argument, especially when the stakes are high. At this moment, many managers appreciate the value of a mediator who is experienced in negotiations and offers them professional help in the matter. One of the US Fortune 100 companies is so convinced of the value of mediation that as long as the other party seems sincere in wanting a sustainable solution to the dispute, the company provides the other party with a list of experienced mediators and they choose one from that list leaves.

The first step is a simple internet search for "mediation", "dispute resolution" or "conflict management". Also ask friendly managers from other companies for recommendations, for mediators with whom they have already worked. Once you have selected some mediators and put them on your short list, ask them for the names and contact details of the last three negotiators on the customer side (“In which negotiations did you resolve conflicts? Who was the lead negotiator in these negotiations?”). Contact these people and ask openly about their experience of working with the mediator, what added value they brought to the negotiations and whether they would recommend the person.

Prof. Stephen B. Goldberg of Northwestern University found that the success of the top 30 mediators in the U.S. depends on focusing on three core areas:1. REPORT.

The key skill of a successful mediator is establishing rapport - creating a relationship with the parties based on understanding, empathy and trust with each of the disputing parties. Feeling good about a relationship can encourage the parties to communicate extensively with the mediator and provide them with the information they need to mediate a mutually acceptable solution. A mediator interviewed by Prof. Goldberg said that rapport is essential to build the trust that the parties need to share "their interests, priorities, fears, weaknesses." "Information is the key to the solution... they tell me what they didn't tell the other party," the mediator said.2. CREATIVITY.

Another important talent of successful mediators is creativity - the ability to generate novel solutions. This competence is based on a comprehensive understanding of the interests of both sides. Only when the interests of each party are understood can a mediator come up with creative solutions that satisfy each side. "It's extremely important to think about new ways of dealing with problems," said one mediator interviewed, "to create ways to acknowledge feelings, perceptions and hurts that would otherwise block meaningful and fair resolutions."3. PATIENCE.

It is also important that your mediator is patient and gives you and your counterpart sufficient time so that the emotions and ideas of both parties can be fully expressed. At the same time, a good mediator deals intensively with the main task of process control in dispute resolution. "I'm stubborn. I do not give up. I've sat with parties who have said they just can't find a way to resolve it, and I said, 'Well, we're just going to sit down and think about it for a while,' said another respondent. Most parties do not want to send the mediator home so easily, so they usually take more time and give more thought to possible solutions, especially if the mediator himself offers food for thought from time to time.Don't forget that you don't have to fully accept the suggestions made by the mediator! In other words, you have the control and also the power to prevent the mediation from having an undesirable outcome. Consequently, the only risk of mediation is that you invest time and money without reaching an agreement. Follow the points above and find a suitable mediator, minimize this risk and increase your chances of a positive negotiation result.

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ISMAN & Partner is a management consultancy that supports national and international corporations, medium-sized companies and start-ups, organizations and institutions in complex negotiation and conflict resolution processes. Founded in 2015 by Calin-Mihai Isman, the experts for negotiation & mediation support managers and employees from the areas of sales, purchasing, M&A, contracting, HR or IT.

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